He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize