I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Redeem this text for a blowjob
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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