Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
