my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
