I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
whose ass print is on the piano?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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