i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
