I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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