just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
false alarm, still single
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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