i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
