My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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