is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
