and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
