I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
