I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
