Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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