Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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