I can text with my tongue
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They should really pass out barf bags in church
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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