UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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