Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
