Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
