I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
