Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This girl is more easily done than said...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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