is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
