Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
