Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
