I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
