in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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