is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
