So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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