oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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