Where is the hickey?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
