can we get nightvision for the apartment?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
