When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
