lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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