1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
