id be glad to
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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