There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
