This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
