Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
