My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
