I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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