I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
