I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
