my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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