Umm I'm too high to move.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
