One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize