I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
