so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
