I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
