You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
