Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
well you can't waste a boner
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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