My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
