Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
