I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
