Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize