hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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