The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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