There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
