your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
