yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Two words: nipple clamps
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